Gov’t solves runway dilemma

After bids for the airport project exceeded preliminary cost projections by a factor of 10, government has announced a new plan to construct the runway extension out of derelict vehicles, discarded beer bottles, audit reports, and other hitherto useless materials.

 

“This proposal combines recycling with our largest capital project, breaking new ground and serving as an example for other countries,” Premier Dr. Orlando Smith said. “Ultimately, it will result in the most eco-friendly runway in the world.”

The airport bids — which came in at around $400 million compared to the originally projected $38 million — caused widespread alarm, with some residents pointing out that the new cost exceeds the territory’s annual budget.

But leaders, who have pledged to expand the airport no matter what, bravely refused to give up.

“It looked really bad when the bids first came in,” admitted Deputy Premier Dr. Kedrick Pickering, whose Ministry of Natural Resources and Labour is heading the project. “The new numbers made our original estimate seem as though we did it on the back of a napkin without a calculator. It was almost enough to make us feel embarrassed.”

Getting a loan

Dr. Smith doubted that the United Kingdom would approve a loan for such an expensive project.

“Think about it: The new hospital was originally projected to cost $63 million, and it has since ballooned to more than $100 million during five years of delays,” he said. “That probably means a ‘$400 million’ airport would actually cost closer to $1 billion — and take a decade to complete. The UK’s not stupid. ”

The dilemma caused legislators several sleepless nights. For days, they debated different solutions.

“We considered expanding the runway in a different direction,” Dr. Smith said. “We considered trading Virgin Gorda to China in exchange for financial assistance. We even considered farfetched schemes like improving ferry service between here and St. Thomas — but that’s when we realised we needed to go home and get some rest.”

Derelict vehicles

It was Health and Social Development Minister Ronnie Skelton who finally proposed a workable solution.

“At first, we believed that the main factor driving up the cost of the project was the pilings on which the runway was to be constructed,” Mr. Skelton explained.

So leaders decided to build the runway on fill instead. But to their surprise, they soon learned that this option would cost almost as much as the pilings.

They went home discouraged. But that night, Mr. Skelton had an idea.

“Part of the reason the fill was so expensive was that it required standard building materials, such as concrete, asphalt, rocks and dirt,” he explained. “I said to myself: What if we use other materials that we have on hand anyway?”

Because the vehicle crusher in Sea Cows Bay is broken, derelict vehicles immediately came to mind.

“It was the perfect solution,” he said. “I’ve been worrying about what to do about all the derelict vehicles starting to swamp Tortola. Why not use them to build a runway?”

When he brought the idea to the next Cabinet meeting, his colleagues heartily approved — and they immediately added to the plan.

Dr. Pickering, the minister of natural resources and labour, suggested that any gaps left between the derelict vehicles could be filled with used bottles and cans.

“We’ve always wanted to start a recycling programme, and now some residents on Virgin Gorda are starting to separate their trash,” he said. “But we don’t have the heart tell them that most of the ‘recyclables’ will go straight to the landfill because we don’t have a way to recycle in mass quantities.”

Audit reports

This line of thinking led to other ideas.

“I asked myself: What else do we create and never use?” Communications and Works Minister Mark Vanterpool said. “I quickly thought of audit reports: No matter how many of them are written, we totally ignore them. So instead of leaving them on a shelf somewhere, why not use them to surface the new runway?”

Dr. Pickering was quick to add that reports from the complaints commissioner could also be used for that purpose.
With the new specifications in place, officials estimate that the runway expansion will only cost about $20 million.

“Of course, we did that estimate on the back of a napkin without a calculator,” Dr. Pickering said. “But we’re very confident in it.”

The project will be retendered in the coming days.