The new scapegoat
Legislators have launched a new strategy of blaming the online media for “pretty much everything that goes wrong” in the Virgin Islands.
They had been toying with the idea for months, and decided to adopt it after their initial experiments proved fruitful.
During a House of Assembly meeting last week, for example, Archie Christian (R-at large) attacked a news site for reporting on a leaked document before it was tabled in the HOA.
The news site’s action, he claimed, amounted to irresponsible journalism.
“Common sense says that I should have criticised the person who leaked the document in the first place,” Mr. Christian explained later. “But I realised that the guilty party was probably a member of my own government.”
Since he didn’t feel comfortable criticising a colleague, the backbencher decided to take aim at the media outlet instead.
“Sure, the press has a right to publish any information it can get, but we can always call them names,” he explained. “It’s easy. And what can they do about it? They don’t control public spending, like ministers do.”
Premier Dr. Orlando Smith said he was initially reluctant to give his ministers the green light for the strategy.
“It seemed wrong to blame the online media for absolutely everything,” he said. “Then I realised that media outlets love it.”
Initiative welcomed
Indeed, publishers welcomed the initiative with open arms.
“There’s nothing like an attack on the media to drive traffic to our website,” said one news site owner. “We slap a huge red headline on the story and add a few exclamation points. Then we rattle off a vitriolic response.”
Such coverage, he explained, often makes reference to the Constitution’s freedom-of-speech provision.
“It’s an excellent opportunity for us to appear strong in the face of adversity,” he added. “It gives us legitimacy.”
More important, he added, are financial concerns: Last week’s article on Mr. Christian’s attack drew thousands of hits, which translate into “more advertiser dollars.”
“We’re still posting anonymous comments to stir up debate and draw more readers,” he said. “It’s great.”
Paradoxically, legislators also benefit from such coverage, Dr. Smith explained.
“The scathing articles keep the spotlight off other more substantive issues that we would rather not discuss — like what the heck is going on with the cruise ship pier,” he explained. “In the end, everyone benefits.”
Other problems
Because Mr. Christian’s attack was so well received last week, officials have already started blaming more problems on the media.
During a press conference themed “The Online Media Is Worse than the Korean Pop Song ‘Gangnam Style,’” leaders listed a string of concerns.
Delayed capital projects, they said, can be attributed directly to the media, whose negative reports damage morale in the public service.
“How would you like to be in charge of the new hospital, and every two weeks you read online that you’re getting nowhere?” asked Health and Social Development Minister Ronnie Skelton.
Without such negative reports, he added, many residents wouldn’t even notice that so many capital projects have been delayed.
“How often do most people even go the hospital?” he asked. “And VI residents tend to forget things unless the online media constantly reminds them.”
The media is also largely responsible for the territory’s water shortage, officials said.
“Unfortunately, journalists in the territory drink a surprising amount of water and take very long showers,” Communications and Works Minister Mark Vanterpool explained.
Moreover, media outlets indirectly drive up the cost of living by charging “exorbitant” prices for advertising, Deputy Premier Dr. Kedrick Pickering added.
“People blame storeowners for the high price of bread, milk and other essentials,” Dr. Pickering said. “But the owners’ profits go right to media outlets.”
Other accusations drew chuckles from officials and reporters alike, but it wasn’t clear whether they were uttered in jest.
“Have you walked through Road Town recently and inhaled?” Education and Culture Minister Myron Walwyn asked. “Yeah, it stinks. That’s the smell of the media.”
Media response
News sites responded to this week’s criticism by posting dozens of three-to-four-sentence articles with multi-coloured headlines.
One site set up a permanent chatroom titled “Say Nasty Things about Government Under Cover of Anonymity.” It has proved hugely popular.
“This is the last straw!” opined one commenter. “Shame! Shame! Shame!”
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.