In an unprecedented misstep that has thrown the community into turmoil, Health and Social Development Minister Ronnie Skelton accidentally mentioned fiscal matters during last week’s budget debate in the House of Assembly.
“Cash flow is going to be this government’s issue for a while until we can start boosting revenue,” Mr. Skelton said, before disclosing plans to hike taxes on alcohol and tobacco.
The minister immediately realised his mistake: He turned pale and attempted to retract his statement, but the damage had been done.
As he stuttered an apology, the Speaker of the House banged her gavel repeatedly.
“The budget debate is no place for discussing matters related to the budget!” she declared. “This behaviour must stop!”
Then she recessed the HOA for the rest of the day.
Mr. Skelton’s slip-up has set off a storm of controversy in a community long accustomed to budget debates filled with substanceless bloviation, thinly veiled insults, and political pandering.
“I can’t believe the minister wasted my time like that,” said a Road Town man. “You listen to the budget debate to hear juicy gossip and mudslinging. You don’t listen to the budget debate to hear about a bunch of financial details. I feel betrayed.”
Ideal debate
Making matters worse, the debacle came toward the end of a debate that by all accounts had been hitherto stellar.
The deliberations, for example, had included a healthy of dose of divisive rhetoric designed to divide belongers and expatriates, as well as the usual politicking.
But most residents agreed that the high point was a public squabble between a minister and a publisher that turned nasty and escalated, with insults and legal threats from both sides.
“That’s the kind of thing that you expect to hear in a good budget debate,” a Havers woman said. “That was good stuff!”
She added that such altercations give fodder to residents who enjoy “stirring the hornets’ nest” by commenting anonymously online.
“Have you ever tried blogging about boring budget numbers?” she asked. “Yawn!”
Other risks
Besides potential boredom, financial discussions in the VI carry other risks as well.
After the government’s spending spree in recent years, for example, many taxpayers are increasingly terrified about learning the truth of the territory’s precarious fiscal situation.
“What you don’t know can’t hurt you,” said an East End man. “Ignorance is bliss, and after the massive cost overruns at the cruise pier and the mounting expense of National Health Insurance, the government’s finances can’t be pretty.”
He added that the minister’s mention of new sin taxes made him fear the possibility of reforms that are actually substantive.
“They tax cigarettes today, and tomorrow they start forcing businesses to pay their required social security contributions,” he said. “These things can snowball like that.”
He added that he has suffered from nightmares and insomnia every night since hearing Mr. Skelton mention the budget during the budget debate.
Investigation
Meanwhile, the Governor’s Office has launched an investigation designed to determine whether Mr. Skelton’s error might be part of a larger trend.
“What we fear most is that this was not an isolated incident,” said the lead investigator. “If this happened once, how do we know that it didn’t happen before and go unnoticed? How do we know that leaders haven’t been coming closer and closer to discussing the budget each year without realising it?”
To find out, investigators will review hundreds of hours of budget debates from the past two decades and release a full report.
For his part, Mr. Skelton has apologised repeatedly to the public, and he is asking residents to help support him and hold him accountable in the future.
“Nobody’s perfect,” he said. “I don’t know what came over me, but I can assure you it won’t happen again.”
To guard against another error, he has hired a team of advisers headed by a professional life coach and embarked on a strenuous training regimen.
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.
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