The SFC Quiz 2013
How did legislators decide to spend your tax money this year? You might never know.
This is because the deliberations of the Standing Finance Committee, where leaders make such decisions, are closed to the public.
But don’t fret. After the meetings, a report is released. Parts of the document provide a reasonably clear picture of what happened in the SFC meetings; other parts might as well be written in hieroglyphics.
As a responsible newspaper columnist, it is my responsibility to help you read between the lines.
To that end, I have composed the following quiz. The answers are at the end.
WHAT DOESN’T BELONG?
For questions 1-5, choose the sentence that is an actual excerpt from the SFC report. The rest are fictional.
1. HOA matters
A. “The minister asked whether his office chair is made of genuine leather or Naugahyde, and, if the latter, what he could do about getting it changed.”
B. “The minister for health and social development queried whether ministers should utilise vacant member’s parking space, and — should that member come to the office — they park directly behind the minister who utilised their designated parking space.”
C. “The minister for natural resources and labour asked if anyone knew who drank the glass of juice that he left in the refrigerator last week.”
2. Fishy disease
A. “The minister queried whether the dengue virus might be used to eradicate invasive lionfish.”
B. “The acting chief conservation and fisheries officer informed the committee that once fishing was done in a vessel, which could be from the size of a dengue to a megayacht, a licence would be required.”
C. “The minister of health and social development asked how large is a dengue and would it fit in a tiny thimble.”
3. Surprises
A. “As a result of the air conditioners installed in all schools, the electricity bills had skyrocketed.”
B. “The CEO pointed out that sky is blue — except, of course, during sunsets and sunrises, when it occasionally turns pink or other notable colours.”
C. “The minister stated that the non-functional high school bathrooms were not functional.”
4. Diction
A. “For finishing the hospital, the minister said, just a little more time needed is.”
B. “The permanent secretary indicated that the system the territory follows is British, which eleven grades are.”
C. “Preside over the SFC deliberations, the spirit of Master Yoda did.”
5. Running on
A. “Pushing for change doesn’t mean not doing what it is that they said they would do but doing more of it in a culture of excellence and proactive.”
B. “Commas the minister said are not necessary nor are period in certain government documents because what purpose do they serve besides to waste ink.”
C. “Their over arching goal of quickly and effectively adapting to change providing a structure of accountability and transparency and actively engaging the employees towards the decision make process.”
LOGIC
For questions 6-10, choose the statement that might best be inferred from the SFC report excerpt.
6. “The director stated that, according to Dr. Angel Smith, the year 2013 would mark 175 years of emancipation for the Virgin Islands.”
A. The director was a little confused as to why 2013 is the 175th anniversary of emancipation, which happened in 1834, almost 179 years ago.
B. Somebody’s calculator is broken.
C. We are in the Twilight Zone.
D. It is fruitless to try to infer anything from this excerpt: One would be better served occupying one’s time with more productive endeavours, such as thumb twiddling.
7. “Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible.”
A. A motivational speaker snuck in to the SFC deliberations disguised as a janitor before regaling the ministers with the spiel he usually reserves for high-end corporate clients.
B. Legislators asked a Library Services official to showcase her knowledge of the English language in order to substantiate her department’s request for a new dictionary.
C. A BVI Health Services Authority official felt compelled to explain the statutory body’s mission to legislators.
8. “She informed that two professional plates were sold at $400 each and seven personalised at $1,000 each.”
A. The Department of Motor Vehicles’ vanity plates scheme is an unqualified success.
B. The DMV might want to consider lowering the price of vanity plates by, say, $970.
C. There are actually seven people in the VI who paid $1,000 for a personalised licence plate.
D. B, C, and, quite possibly, A.
9. “The director of public prosecutions stated that the culture of the jurisdiction is not one to accept a ticket and pay.”
A. The DPP is very tactful.
B. The DPP is an avid student of the territory’s heritage.
C. If the DPP ever got a ticket, which he wouldn’t, he would pay it so fast it would vaporise.
10. “The member for the Third District expressed that he did not think that the [Register of Interests] should become public record immediately and suggested that it should only do so after seven years.”
A. The member for the Third District is a staunch advocate of the public’s right to know.
B. The member plans to retire from politics in seven years.
C. The Register of Interests will be open to the public when pigs fly.
D. B and, probably, C.
Answers: 1 B; 2 B; 3 A; 4 B; 5 C; 6 D; 7 C; 8 D; 9 A; 10 D.
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.
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