At first, I thought the press release was a joke.
It came from the Bahamas Ministry of Tourism, and it was titled, “Bahamas now official home of the swimming pigs.”
Now, I’d heard of tourists swimming with dolphins and turtles. Both activities, in fact, are offered in the Virgin Islands.
I’d even heard of tourists swimming with sharks, which seems ill advised but is also very popular in some countries.
But who would want to swim with pigs?
Apparently, lots of people do. The press release was no joke: The wild pigs on the otherwise uninhabited Bahamian island of Big Major Cay are a major tourist attraction.
Online I found dozens of videos of people feeding and frolicking with the cute, fuzzy animals, which routinely paddle out to greet visiting boats in hopes of a snack.
No one knows how the population got on the island, but there are theories.
“Popular lore suggests that the pigs were dropped off by a group of sailors who wanted to come back and cook them, or that there was a nearby shipwreck and the pigs swam to safety,” the press release stated. “However it was that they came to be, there are approximately 20 pigs or piglets now who are able to easily survive in part as Big Major Cay is blessed with three freshwater springs for them to drink from as well as the generosity of Bahamians and tourists feeding them.”
VI tourism
This news worried me. The attraction, I reflected, could pose a serious problem for the VI. At a time when tourism is an increasingly cutthroat industry, how in the world can the territory compete with the “official home of the swimming pigs”?
But then I remembered an old adage: “If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”
Swimming pigs certainly fit the bill. So, being a seasoned and sceptical journalist, I returned to YouTube, where I found a video called “Man attacked by swimming pigs on Great Exuma.” This, I thought, would confirm my suspicion that the pigs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
But the video’s title was misleading: Far from attacking the man in the video, the pigs simply surrounded him to request food. If they were a little playful and pushy at times, they did not cross the line into piggishness.
And when the man ran out of food, they didn’t trample him or bite his legs or poop on his feet: They simply walked away, minding their own business.
Nor did I find any troubling results after scouring YouTube with such search terms as “Bahamas Pig Rabies,” “Angry Exuma Pig Revenge,” and “Pig Rampage Tramples Tourist in Major Bay.”
The swimming pigs of the Bahamas, it seems, are a flawless tourist attraction.
In the VI
Of course this means that the VI needs to diversify its tourism offering immediately. But how?
At first, I thought that the territory should consider fighting pigs with pigs, and marooning a few of the animals on one of its many uninhabited islands.
But then I remembered the last time I saw a pig in the VI: It was lying in mud at the abattoir in Paraquita Bay. Unlike the Bahamas pigs, which are about the size of dogs, it appeared to weigh about 900 pounds. Also, it was snorting angrily.
Swimming with such an animal somehow didn’t seem appealing.
So I considered other options.
Swimming with cows? Too much poop. Goats? Too ornery. Donkeys? Too many dangerous hooves.
Then it hit me: chickens. Tortola is filled with them, and tourists love them. Why shouldn’t they be put to good use?
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: “Chickens can’t swim!” But you’d be wrong about that. I know, because I carefully researched the idea, using my journalistic training to locate such little known YouTube classics as “Roxy the Swimming Chicken” and “The Swimming Chicken!!! (Real).”
Needless to say, these videos are hilarious.
Marooned
Since there are so many wild chickens in the territory, I see no reason why a few hundred of them couldn’t be relocated to Salt Island without food.
Then tourists could be provided with floating chicken pellets, which they could toss in the water. And voila — swimming chickens.
There’s no need to stop there either. I’ve heard stories about a cat who swims across the channel between Jost Van Dyke and Little JVD. So why not maroon a few stray cats on another island?
And don’t even get me started about the possibilities involving the Necker Island lemurs.
Soon, I hope to receive another press release from the BVI Tourist Board: “Virgin Islands now official home of the swimming chickens — and more.”
Take that, Bahamas.
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.
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