I recently read with interest the pronouncements of local religious leader and aspiring politician Pastor Claude Skelton-Cline on the subject of immigration in the territory. This heady mix of religion, politics and arcane Virgin Islands law made me wonder how the early founders of the Christian Church would have fared coming to the territory under present immigration law (or “open-door” policy, as the pastor likes to call it). The early apostles travelled extensively throughout the Middle East and southern Europe, spreading the gospel — presumably without a work permit. So I tried to envisage the Apostle Paul arriving at the Terrance B. Lettsome Airport on the last LIAT flight (perhaps demonstrating the power of prayer by arriving with his luggage).
Immigration officer: “Good evening, sir, what is the nature of your visit?”
Apostle Paul: “I have come to spread the Good News!”
Officer: “Hmmm… Sounds like you must be intending to work for The BVI Beacon. Though if it’s only good news, maybe The Island Sun. Right! Let’s see… Either way, you’re going to need the following documents: Medical test results (originals only, no photocopies); a doctor’s letter; a police report from every place you, your family, friends or pets have ever visited, or thought about visiting; a return ticket to your last known address (I’m afraid a bus ticket for “the road to Damascus” will not suffice); and an affidavit stating that you are of good character. This epistle from the Ephesians commending your righteousness needs to be in triplicate and stamped by a duly authorised officer of the Roman Empire.
With me so far? Good. Now, once you have produced these documents, you will then need to spend several days at the immigration clinic re-doing your health tests. (What do you mean they don’t do Mantoux skin tests in Thessalonica?)
Next, a few days at the Labour Department in order to pay the $1,000 for your new work permit card — even though this is likely going to be more than your annual salary — after which, a few more weeks waiting at immigration for your passport to be stamped. That’s another $25, plus a bond for $5,000, in case we need to repatriate you to, errrr, Damascus.
Oh yes! Of course, I almost forgot: You’ll also need a social security card to enable you to pay just under the minimum number of payments before we kick you out of the territory with no pension rights; then a food handler’s certificate, in case you plan to do anything with loaves or fishes while proselytising; and perhaps a trade licence if you intend to establish a church here (be aware there are at least 75 in East End already, so competition is a little stiff). Plus, of course, an alien landholder’s license and planning permission. (The latter won’t be necessary if you are either born here or plan to build a drag strip in the church car park.) Finally there will be the $20 departure tax, payable in advance, on arrival. Welcome to the Virgin Islands!
Sir? Sir? Hmmm… Now, where did he go? And what, in Heaven’s name, was that blinding flash of light? Did someone leave a door open?”