The criminal community went public this week to praise the police for their recent decision to omit names from the weekly arrest blotter.
“For decades, criminals in the Virgin Islands have seen our reputations dragged through the mud simply because we refuse to conform to the so-called ‘laws of society,’” said a serial burglar who chairs the VI Association of Crooks. “It’s about time we got some privacy.”
The VIAC, he explained, decided to speak out after transparency advocates harshly criticised the police’s decision to withhold the identities of people charged with wrongdoing.
“Some people don’t understand that crime carries a huge stigma,” explained the burglar, whose name is being withheld to protect his carefully crafted reputation as an upstanding community member. “Because of how we make our living, we face constant discrimination.”
Struggling
Though defendants are typically identified in court, the VIAC chairman said the police’s decision greatly increases criminals’ chances of remaining anonymous.
This will help them flourish, ultimately benefiting the entire territory, he explained.
“Criminals’ work contributes to GDP by fostering uncountable jobs in law enforcement and security,” he said. “Without us, hundreds of people would be out of work, and the economy would quickly crumble.”
Publicly exposing criminals, he added, almost always discourages their activities.
A former thief gave an example, explaining that the adverse publicity that followed his arrest several years ago forced him to change his profession in midlife.
“I spent a decade mastering the art of shoplifting, but when I got caught I was suddenly all over the news,” he complained. “I was a pariah overnight: Store owners would see me coming and immediately alert their security guards.”
No longer able to steal, he had to reconsider his life path.
“Times were so tough I even considered getting a legitimate job, but thankfully I knew a drug dealer who was willing to train me,” he said. “Five years later, it’s going okay, but the stress on my family was huge when I had to shift careers at age 45. No one should have to go through that.”
Ponzi schemes
White-collar criminals are adversely affected by public exposure as well, said a long-time money-launderer.
“Since I operate Ponzi schemes, my business model hinges on convincing residents to trust me with their money,” she said. “Imagine if people read in the newspaper that I’m running a fraud. Do you think they’d give me their money then?”
She added that she “lives in terror” of getting exposed and going out of business overnight.
“I have no idea what I’d do then,” she said. “I have nightmares about it.”
Besides general ostracism from the community, public exposure can also create security risks for criminals.
“If one of my colleagues knows I’ve been arrested, they might think I’ll snitch,” the VIAC chairman explained. “And they might decide to do something to prevent that.”
Exposed criminals often face social difficulties as well.
“These days women want to know that you’re ‘gainfully employed’ before they even agree to a first date,” said a smuggler. “It’s easy enough to hang out at the strip club all day and tell them you’ve been at work, but once they read in the paper that you’ve been running guns, it’s all over.”
Less transparency
Though the VIAC is pleased with the police force’s recent decision, members don’t intend to stop there.
In the future, the chairman said, the group will push for further transparency restrictions throughout the justice system.
“Though police no longer identify us,” he said, “we are concerned that we can still be outed during court proceedings by nosy journalists who wish to publicise our wrongdoing in order to sell papers.”
The VIAC, he added, will not give up.
“Only when justice is carried out behind closed doors from start to finish can we ensure that criminals’ rights are protected,” he said. “We dream of a world where we can operate in the shadows regardless of whether or not we are apprehended.”
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.
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