Water interruptions
July 9
The Water and Sewerage Department would like to notify the public that there is a water supply interruption in East End today due to low reservoir levels.
The matter is expected to be rectified by tomorrow. The WSD apologises for any inconvenience.
July 10
The WSD would like to notify the public that the water interruption in East End will not be rectified today after all. Oops.
Instead, it will be joined by interruptions in Greenland and Fat Hogs Bay.
Customers who are inconvenienced are asked to be glad they don’t live on the Ridge Road, where water interruptions are pretty much business as usual.
The current situation was caused by a lack of rainfall. Concerned residents may wish to undertake a rain dance.
The WSD apologises for any inconvenience, even though it is God who makes rain.
July 13
The WSD would like to notify the public that a water interruption is now affecting East End, Fat Hogs Bay, Belle Vue, Lower Estate and Purcell. It is expected to last through the month.
Anyone who is considering lodging a complaint is asked to remember the Virgin Islands of 50 years ago: Back then, people got their water from wells, and they carried it all the way home. Some of them probably didn’t even own shoes.
Would you like to return to those days? Probably not. So maybe you should suck it up and stop whining, pal.
If you’re lucky, it will rain soon.
July 17
The WSD would like to notify the public that after much rainfall in recent days, it has become blatantly obvious that the water interruption is not a result of low rainfall as previously reported.
Thus, the shortage will continue as the WSD works to rule out potential causes.
Of course, one possibility was easy to rule out: the leaders who have been playing politics with the territory’s water supply for the past decade.
They are absolutely not responsible for the problem. Repeat: NOT responsible. Nosirree!
On the contrary, the problem is definitely a result of factors beyond politicians’ control.
As soon as more is known, the WSD will notify the public.
The department apologises for the inconvenience, even while pointing out that no government agency can be held responsible for inexplicable phenomena.
July 19
The WSD would like to notify the public that a water interruption is now affecting all of Tortola. It is expected to continue indefinitely.
The WSD has ruled out several more possible causes:
• Financial Action Task Force recommendations;
• theft of water by extraterrestrials; and
• WSD error.
More information is expected to be forthcoming soon.
July 20
The WSD would like to notify the public that the cause of Tortola’s water interruptions has finally been determined!
It is your fault.
Around Tortola, customers have been taking long showers, washing their dishes every time they use them, flushing when “it’s yellow,” and otherwise wasting water.
The WSD believes this behaviour is despicable, and it asks residents to apologise to the department and to politicians for the inconvenience.
July 21
As an afterthought, the WSD would like to notify the public that the water supply has been weak on Virgin Gorda, Anegada and Jost Van Dyke for, like, a few weeks.
Okay, in all honesty, it’s probably more like a few months.
In fact, the WSD isn’t really sure how long this has been going on, but residents on sister islands are asked not to expect a consistent supply of potable water this side of 2020.
Again, this has nothing to do with politics or bad leadership; it is a direct result of shameless consumer irresponsibility.