The government has hired a team of magical fairies to construct five new school buildings by September, when an extra grade level will be added to the public education system.
“This is the only way to ensure that the expansion will be completed in time,” Education and Culture Minister Myron Walwyn said Monday. “The magical fairies will also stick around to work as teachers until we’re able to hire actual people.”
Though the new grade level was first announced in 2014, work has not started on the school expansions that are necessary to accommodate the influx of students it will bring.
“We’ve only had two years to plan for this,” Mr. Walwyn explained, “so it’s not surprising that we’re a little behind.”
The new plan, he added, will enable four two-storey buildings at Elmore Stoutt High School and one two-storey building at Bregado Flax Educational Centre to be erected in record time.
Why magic?
Leaders considered various proposals before concluding that magic was necessary to meet the looming deadline.
“At the rate government usually builds infrastructure, the project wouldn’t be done until 2026 if we used conventional methods,” Mr. Walwyn explained. “Look at the East End sewerage work, which has been in the works for around 30 years now without success.”
Mr. Walwyn noted that the urgent need for expanded high school facilities came as a surprise, and leaders have had very little time to plan for it.
“Usually, major public projects are promised and then revised for at least 20 years before work starts,” he said. “High school plans have been promised and revised for only about a decade. This is a much shorter timeline than we’re accustomed to.”
Once construction starts, he added, leaders typically have to factor in delays related to work stoppages, contract disputes, political gamesmanship and cost overruns.
“Just look at the vocational school wing that was finally completed in 2014: That took almost two years to build,” he explained. “How are we going to finish five classroom buildings in four months?”
Such issues, however, will not pose a problem for the magical fairies.
“Projects given to magical fairies don’t even have to be put to tender,” Mr. Walwyn explained. “That in itself will save us several months.”
Limited budget
The plan will also save money, which is essential at a time when government funds are extremely tight.
About $3 million has been allocated for capital projects in the Education and Culture Ministry this year, but that didn’t seem like much when leaders reflected that nearly $1 million was spent recently on a concrete wall around part of the ESHS campus.
Compounding the funding concerns is the likelihood that government will transfer the $3 million to handle further cost overruns at the Tortola Pier Park.
Fortunately, however, magical fairies don’t need money: They are paid in children’s wishes.
“And believe you me, we’ve got plenty of those built up over the last several years,” Mr. Walwyn said. “Every day, dozens of high schools students squeeze into undersized classrooms, sweating and wishing that they had a nicer place to study. Now all their wishing will pay off.”
Magical teachers
After the magical fairies complete the construction phase of the project, they will be retained indefinitely to serve in the same classrooms they built.
“We haven’t had time to hire any new teachers for the extra grade level,” Mr. Walwyn explained. “We originally thought we’d just ask the existing teachers to work twice as hard, but for some reason they complained. So we asked the magical fairies to do the job until we manage to bring on board some real people.”
Though officials admitted that the magical fairies are not certified as teachers, they said they expect students to learn a lot from them.
“We’re hoping that the young people will be able to pick up enough magic to find a job after they graduate,” the minister said. “Because magic may well be necessary.”
Other projects
If the magical fairies are successful, they might be hired to handle other difficult government projects in the future, leaders said.
“We’re particularly interested in what they might be able to accomplish on the airport expansion project,” Premier Dr. Orlando Smith said. “We can’t seem to get anywhere on that one, and I’m starting to think that magic might be the only solution.”
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.
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