Re: Application for gov’t contract

Dear Government:

Please consider my application for a lucrative government contract.

Yes, I know: I’ve applied for several lucrative contracts in the past without success. You’re probably tired of hearing from me by now.

However, I feel super-sure that you will agree to my new proposal.

This week, I am offering my services as a consultancy consultant.

Now, this might seem a little confusing. But the service is much needed here.

For example, remember October 2008, when government announced a contract with a consultant to investigate the possibility of providing free school lunches in the territory?

The study was supposed to be completed in eight months. But, more than two years later, no report has been released to the public, and officials have said very little on the topic. Plus, there is no school lunch programme.

I propose to find out what happened to this initiative and other “Disappearing Consultancies.”

With my journalism background, I’m convinced that I could turn up some solid answers.

Drag racing

My work would not stop with free lunches.

I would also investigate other projects, such as last year’s drag racing consultancy.

As  you recall, a company was contracted last May for $96,500 to conduct an eight-week feasibility assessment.

Among other things, the consultant was asked to gather the public’s feedback on a drag racing track in the territory. So he conducted surveys and held meetings amid much fanfare and controversy.

And then — poof! The consultancy disappeared. In spite of promises from the consultant and government officials, no report has been released and no update has been given.

Now, residents are very curious about the future of drag racing here. And they are even more curious about what happened to their $96,500.

In exchange for a lucrative government contract, I would find out. Then I would draft a full report and release it to the public.

Medical school

At the same time, I would devise preventive steps designed to ensure that ongoing consultancies don’t disappear.

Last May, for example, a United States company was hired to find an established medical school to bring a privatised facility here. The $551,923 consultancy was to be completed this month.

But the month is almost out, and officials have been mum on the topic.

I would research practical solutions to make sure this and other consultancies are completed in a timely manner.

Boundaries commission

I would also investigate peculiarities with other consultancies that didn’t necessarily disappear, per se.

In late 2009, a boundaries commissioner was hired to ascertain whether the territory needs more electoral districts and House of Assembly members. To that end, she conducted several public meetings around the territory.

That December, her report was tabled in the HOA and released to the public, as it should have been.

About two months later, a strange item appeared on an HOA order paper: a motion by Premier Ralph O’Neal to adopt the commissioner’s recommendation “that the number of elected members of the House of Assembly should be increased by two.”

This motion was a little strange, because the commissioner made no such recommendation.

In fact, she didn’t really make any recommendations at all.

The premier must have figured this out, because he withdrew the motion.

But, since then, the public has heard precious little about the election district issue.

If you give me a lucrative government contract, I would find out why.

Benefits

In summary, I’m convinced that my consultancy would benefit the territory.

It would also have plenty of advantages for elected leaders in this election year.

I can offer a money-back guarantee that voters would be pleased to learn what happened to all the Disappearing Consultancies, which were funded by their money.

Finally, I would like to pledge that my own consultancy would never disappear.

Thank you again for your consideration. I look forward to a favourable reply —and a lucrative government contract.