Re: Application for Anegada job

Dear Beacon Management:
Thank you for considering my application for the job of Anegada correspondent.

Yes, I am aware that this position does not exist. However, I have just spent a weekend on the sister island, and I’m convinced that the Beacon should open a bureau there immediately.

Don’t get me wrong: I love my work now. But Anegada is clearly in need of its own Beaconite, and throughout the weekend I couldn’t help thinking that I’m the perfect guy for the job.

Before I list my qualifications, let me assure you that I’m not applying for this position for selfish reasons. I would never do that.

This application, for example, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I had a wonderful time lying on the beach, snorkelling and sipping drinks on the most peaceful island in the universe.

Nor am I applying because of my conviction that the Beacon owes me big-time after the disillusionment I suffered when I found out a job advertisement for a “reporter at a Caribbean weekly” meant responsibilities other than sipping piña coladas by a pool.

Let me stress, too, that I would never abuse the new Anegada position by spending all my time lounging on a deserted beach. Far from it. On the contrary, I would keep extremely busy, even while requiring minimal supervision.

The flamingo beat

Of course, my responsibilities would include covering several different beats on the sister island. Perhaps the most important duty would be flamingo watching.

After driving past Anegada’s numerous salt ponds over the weekend, I realised that the activities of the island’s flamingo population are woefully underreported in today’s media.

Sometimes, I noted, the flamingos were on the south side of Red Pond. At other times, the flamingos moved to the pond’s north side. And at least once, they stood more or less in the middle.

I’ve also been reliably informed that the birds actually fly to different ponds quite often, although I was not able to confirm this fact myself.

I feel sure that Beacon readers would be interested in regular reports on the flamingos’ whereabouts.

My reporting would also delve below the surface whenever possible. For example, during the entire weekend I never saw a single flamingo in Flamingo Pond. Bringing my investigative journalism skills to bear, I would try to find out why.

The fishing beat

Though the flamingo beat could constitute a full-time job in itself, I would not stop there. I would also work overtime to cover other important issues.

The fly-fishing beat, for example. Even though we’re still in the slow season, I saw a few people trying to catch tarpon on Anegada’s flats this weekend.

One man hooked a fish that must have been close to 50 pounds, and he looked like he was having a great time.

If I were stationed on Anegada, I could keep close tabs on such noteworthy happenings.

But I would go beyond reporting on other people’s experiences. I would jump in headfirst, taking up a rod and reel to learn the intricacies of fly-fishing for myself.

I would use similar tactics to carefully investigate deep sea fishing off the island’s North Drop, which I’m told is teeming with marlin, mahi-mahi and other large gamefish.

On a related matter, I also noticed this weekend that the seafood served in Anegada restaurants was particularly delicious. As the island’s correspondent, I would keep Beacon readers abreast of the island’s culinary offerings by eating my meals in the nicest restaurants whenever possible.

The beach beat

Another major responsibility would be the beach beat. While driving around the island this weekend, I came upon numerous stretches of white sand that were entirely uninhabited. Lined by blue water, they were among the most peaceful places I’ve ever been.

While strolling down one beach, it occurred to me that the Beacon spends most of its resources reporting on places routinely frequented by crowds, such as Road Town. This practice suddenly seemed counterintuitive. Wouldn’t readers be more interested in reading about a place they have never been?

So, as the Anegada correspondent, I would spend significant amounts of time each day staking out the island’s most isolated beaches, patiently waiting to see what might happen there.

The resulting reports and photographs doubtless would fill large sections of the newspaper with fascinating material.

The beach beat wouldn’t be limited to dry land. A snorkel in Loblolly Bay this weekend convinced me that plenty of important news also takes place underwater. Thus, I would don a snorkel and mask as often as possible in order to inform the public about the beautiful reefs and other marine life around Anegada.

I am also ready to tackle other responsibilities as various as surfing, kayaking and sipping mixed drinks in the shade.

In conclusion, I think my ability to work independently, my affable personality, and my varied experience make me the perfect candidate for the position of Anegada correspondent. I am available immediately.

I look forward to hearing from you.