Amid growing concerns about the high cost of National Health Insurance, leaders have devised a “foolproof” plan to fund the programme by allowing residents to bet on it.
“Gambling with citizens’ health is nothing new,” explained a consultant hired to implement the initiative. “Governments around the world have been doing it for years, and it’s a great way to raise millions of dollars in any country.”
Leaders believe the new NHI Parimutuel Betting Initiative will quickly close the $40 million gap between residents’ annual NHI contributions and the cost of providing universal health care in the Virgin Islands.
“Eventually, we fully expect that government will be able to pay you to have health insurance,” said the consultant, a former bookie from Las Vegas. “That’s how lucrative this programme is.”
Horse track
The plan was conceived during a recent Cabinet discussion about a proposal to legalise gambling at the horse track.
“Leaders wisely concluded that there is no reason to restrict gambling to horse races,” the consultant explained. “With public coffers shrinking, NHI seemed much more urgent.”
Since many residents already gamble at the horse track, the leaders unanimously agreed to give priority to establishing a system to allow parimutuel betting on NHI.
During a launching ceremony yesterday at the new Peebles Hospital, government ministers placed the first wagers: Each bet $1 that NHI will be implemented on Jan. 1 as planned.
Since then, the scheme has proved wildly popular, with residents lining up in numbers to try their luck.
“Step right up, folks,” the consultant urged after yesterday’s ceremony. “Government swears that NHI will be implemented by January, but how many times have you heard that before?”
Currently, he said, the odds are about 100 to one against January implementation.
“That means if it actually does launch on Jan. 1, the ministers will each take home nearly $100!” he said. “If I were you, I’d get in on this now if you want to earn the big bucks!”
Other bets
In the coming weeks, other gambling options will be introduced as well. Tomorrow, for instance, the newly established NHI Gambling Commission will start taking bets on the petition opposing NHI.
“You can choose the day you believe it will reach 1,000 signatures,” the consultant explained. “Or you can bet that it will disappear entirely!”
The commission, which will raise money for NHI by keeping a small percentage of all bets, also plans to allow friendly, in-family wagers.
“If Grandpa gets ill, will NHI cover treatment in St. Thomas?” the consultant asked. “Your guess is as good as mine, but I’ll give you five to one odds that it will!”
Residents may also get a chance to bet on how many private insurance companies will survive under NHI — or even whether the programme itself will go under, he added.
Education, cruise pier
If the plan succeeds, government could use parimutuel betting to boost other areas as well.
Education is a prime example, according to the consultant.
“Residents might bet on when we’ll get a new high school, or they might place a wager on a particular student,” the consultant explained. “Say, for example, that you know that Harry isn’t doing so well in the 10th grade. You could put down 50 bucks that he won’t make it to the 11th.”
He added that allowing primary schoolers to bet could be particularly lucrative.
“Typically, young children have a limited concept of the value of money,” he said. “So they’ll bet their lunch money every single day if you let them. And taken together, that’s a lot of money.”
Meanwhile, the BVI Ports Authority has been considering using a similar tactic to raise funds for the cruise pier project.
“Very soon, they could start taking bets on whether the BVIPA will meet its Oct. 31 deadline for substantial completion of the project,” the consultant said. “Then you might get a chance to bet on how many tourists will actually show up in the coming high season. The sky’s the limit!”
Disclaimer: Dateline: Paradise is a column and occasionally contains satirical “news” articles that are entirely fictional.
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