Gov’t: Get ready for slow season
Disaster officials are urging the public to prepare now for what they expect will be the slowest slow season in recent memory.
A team of Colorado researchers is calling for a “brutally dull” summer in the Caribbean.
“A larger-than-normal economic depression emanating from the north has dramatically altered the behaviour patterns of those temporary human migrants commonly known as ‘tourists,’” the team said in a statement.
The scientists are predicting the closure of hundreds of restaurants, bars and other businesses around the region in the coming months.
“These closures undoubtedly will effect not only tourists, but local populations as well, especially if they are unprepared,”the team said.
In the Virgin Islands, a mass exodus of residents likely will result, according to the Department of Disaster Management.
“At the height of the slow season, there could be so few people in Tortola that it will be possible to drive through town at 9 a.m. and at 5 p.m. without getting stuck in traffic for half an hour,” DDM said.
Closures
Some establishments here already have shut their doors weeks early.
As a result, a few workers have been laid off entirely; others have been asked to take longer vacations than usual. And the trend is expected to accelerate.
“Given these factors, we anticipate a level of boredom unknown in these islands since the advent of the tourism sector in the 1960s,” DDM said.
Soon, the department added, there may be “nowhere left to buy a drink or grab a bite to eat.”
Getting ready
However, with proper preparation, the territory should be able to survive the slow season. To mitigate adverse effects, government is urging residents get ready now, if they have not already done so. Officials recommend that each household stock a preparedness kit that includes:
• a “whole lot” of alcoholic beverages, which most scientists agree are the single most important remedy for boredom;
• a cable television for each member of the household;
• dozens of DVDs;
• a Nintendo or other game system;
• a stereo;
• Twister; and
• any other entertainment necessities.
Health effects
Meanwhile, anyone experiencing symptoms of ennui, lethargy or lack of motivation in the coming months should report immediately to a cable television, the Health Ministry warned.
“Severe boredom can be very damaging, and those suffering from it often do not realise that they are so afflicted until it is too late,” the ministry said in a statement.
Those with few inner resources are advised to leave the territory and not return until September.
One trust company lawyer, who decided to follow this advice, was hurrying through the airport on Monday.
“I’m going home for three months,” he said. “I’m not proud. I know I won’t receive a salary for most of that time, but I can’t face what I know is coming. I simply can’t face it.”
Asked what he planned to do when he reached his native England, he said, “Go sit in a crowded bar for about a week.”
Last ditch efforts
If the season turns out even slower than expected, disaster officials are prepared to take further steps.
For example, several shelters may be set up around the island with large-screen televisions, where movies can be shown. A fleet of government vehicles, each converted into a roadside bar or restaurant, has been put on standby.
And, if worst comes to worst, the government currently is researching how residents here enjoyed themselves in the first half of the 20th Century.
“As a drastic emergency measure, fish fries, community fungi concerts and other traditional events will be held around the islands,” according to Government Information Services. “However, the public should understand that such measures are a last resort, and extremely unlikely to be needed.”